Meet Mr. and Mrs. Ma Bell. These two were just ahead of their time. They remind me of people who have their cell phone permanently attached inside of their ear.

Ma Bell may not be your mother, and I know that she can’t tell you what to do, but I doubt that she would approve of nurses talking on their cell phones or text messaging at the nurses station. I don’t like it either. Don’t get me wrong. I love Twittering my friends and chatting on the phone just as much as the next guy does, but it’s not appropriate to do those things in front of patients and their family members. It reminds me of when my dad use to read the newspaper at the dinner table. He would nod his head in agreement with whatever my mother was saying as he turned the pages of the newspaper. He was listening, but not really. Mom would get very upset. Patients feel like you’re blowing them off when your typing away on a keyboard or talking on your cell phone.

I know that it’s hard giving up your cell phone cold turkey, so here are some tips about using your cell phone at work.

Turn Your Cell Phone Ringer Off When You are in a Patient Care Area

Picture this: You’re tip toeing past a sleeping patient when all of a sudden everyone on the nursing unit hears, “Hey you, I’m talking to you. You have a call. Hey stupid, I’m talking to you! Answer the phone! ANSWER THE G-D PHONE!!!!!!!!!!!!” I heard that ring tone one day when I was at work. Ring tones like that are a lot of fun when you’re out at a bar, but not when you giving patient bedside care. Turn your ringer off.

Use Your Phone Only For Important Calls

I’ve never understood why nurses use cell phones at work when there are multiple phones at every nursing station. If you must use your cell phone at work, use it only for important calls. What should you classify as an important call? It should be childcare issues. Talk to your friends about the new love in your life after work. Use your common sense.

Don’t Bring Your Cell Phone Into The Bathroom…Ever

Do I really need to explain this rule? Reach out and touch someone, but not from the bathroom. Enough said.

Paper halo? I didn’t know that they use to make nurses caps out of paper. My cap was made out of starched cloth. We used Lubri-fax to glue the black stripe to the top rim of our caps. Really! I would never lie to you. You can trust me because I’m a nurse.

My blog buddy, Brad Levinson, from Health Care United sent me some great information about a new Gallup poll. Guess what, people. For the 7th year in a row, and for the 9th out of 10 years, nurses are ranked number one on their annual “Honesty and Ethics” survey. That’s right people, nurses are number one! The poll says that 84% percent of Americans rank nurses’ “honesty and ethical standards either ‘high’ or ‘very high.” The one year that nurses didn’t make the top was in 2001, when fire fighters were ranked #1 (a very well-deserved honor that year). Pharmacists are #2 and doctors are #4.

People trust nurses for a lot of different reasons. Nurses are patient advocates. We always put our patients and their family members first. We are there for you during your darkest days, and your brightest seasons. We see life and death, pain and joy, hope and sorrow. Nurses don’t question your social status. We only want to know about your needs. We may not all have a halo, but we come pretty darn close.

Nurses rock!

Nursing provides great educational opportunities for nurses within the workplace environment. This nurse is about to learn a valuable lesson about taking care of patients locked up behind bars.

Note to self: Never turn your back on a creepy looking prison inmate.

I have a simple philosophy about life. Every person that I care for is my teacher. I learn a lot of life lessons while I’m at work. Some of the most entertaining information comes from former prison inmates. They like nurses, too, and they have given me some great insider information over the years about how to survive in prison if I should ever find myself locked up behind bars. Here are two important tips in case you ever land in jail.

Tip #1: Prisons are like any other type of real estate. Location counts.

According to former inmates, not all jails are created equal. It’s all about location, location, location. Make sure that you do your illegal activities in rich neighborhoods, and that you get locked up in an upscale jurisdiction, or in a town just like Mayberry. Rich people can afford to build nicer jails that include access to updated computers and exercise equipment, and people like Sheriff Andy Taylor always make sure that there are clean sheets on the beds. One patient, who spent most of his adult life in jail told me that he preferred doing time in the same prison system that served as Paris Hilton’s temporary residence a few years ago. My patient thought that Paris was a wimp. He said that she had no idea how good she had it while she was in jail. He also told me that some VIP correctional centers offer prisoners the option of paying for upgraded accommodations. These perks include clean sheets everyday, clean semiprivate bathrooms, and better food.

Tip #2: Always make friends with the person in your jail block that works in the prison kitchen.

I’ve been told that it’s really important to make friends with inmates who work in the prison kitchen. This is because they save the best food and leftovers for themselves, and for their best friends. Good food is a commodity in the big house, just like cigarettes. I bet that Martha Stewart was the most popular girl in the jailhouse.

Email me from your fancy prison if you ever get locked up. I’ll ask Martha to bake you one of her famous prison cakes. Martha’s cake is just the thing for a jailbreak. They are stuffed with a cream filling and a metal file.

Nurses are intelligent people. We use our critical thinking skills to solve all types of problems but, from time to time, we all wish that we owned a crystal ball. Meet Nurse Sue Whittier. She had a clouded future and boyfriend problems, so her friends gave her a crystal ball. Check out her boyfriend. He’s cute. You don’t need a crystal ball to figure out that she lives happily ever after.

I know that a lot of people who are involved in health care see a clouded future, and they wish that they had a crystal ball. According to a news report by the Associated Press, new data indicates that hospitals are ailing due to the poor economy. It’s a vicious cycle. People lose their job and their health insurance, so they don’t go to the hospital, and when they do, they can’t pay their bill. This trend is disastrous for hospitals, and everyone is wondering what’s going to happen next.

It doesn’t take a rocket scientist or a crystal ball to know that somewhere down the health care food chain, nurses are going to take a hit. Nurses were laid off in many parts of the country during the last two major recessions when hospitals combined half full hospital units in order to save money. Back in the early 1980s I remember finding hospital administrators on my unit when I came into work. They were making ice cream sundaes for us. They thought it would soften the blow when they told us that we no longer had our jobs. It was very insulting. My unit was closed down the next day. I worked three PRN jobs in area nursing homes and I cleaned houses in order to make ends meet. Nursing jobs aren’t bullet proof during a recession, and history has a funny way of repeating itself when the economy tanks.

The best way to survive an economic downturn is to not ignore the potential lay offs. Cross train in specialty areas, go back to school and get your nursing degree, and get as many certifications as you can. Your nursing skills are your best friends during hard times. Don’t get discouraged. Economic downturns don’t last forever.

Welcome to my first blog post at An Apple a Day. Mrs. J.S Beatty, RN and I are happy that you dropped by. Mrs. Beatty was the Educational Director of Bradford Hospital School of Nursing back in 1929. I love this picture. It’s a classic. It’s simple, artistic, and it’s steeped in nursing tradition.

Nursing tradition isn’t just about a white uniform, a cap, and a cape. It’s about caring for others. I can only imagine all the things that Mrs. Beatty witnessed during her nursing career. She saw wounded soldiers returning from Europe during World War I, and she practiced nursing before the advent of antibiotics. She held the hands of the dying during the great influenza pandemic of 1918, and cared for patients during the early days of the Great Depression. Look into this woman’s face. She was strong, compassionate, and confident. She exemplified the nursing profession. Mrs. Beatty was a role model for her students and for all future generations of nurses.

I’m going to talk about nursing culture, traditions, and trends at An Apple a Day. Like Mrs. Beatty, I’ve seen a lot during my long nursing career. I have a lot on my mind and I’m not afraid to say it. I’m also going to start an advice column called Go Ask Mother. That’s right, Mother Jones, RN will answer your questions relating to nursing issues. I’ve been told that I’m very opinionated, so I might as well put that trait to good use.

I want to start a conversation with nurses. Tell me if you don’t share my point of view. Leave a comment. We can’t grow as a profession unless we communicate with each other, so let’s start talking. Please remember to be polite. I know that nurses can be very nasty with each other, I’ve seen cat fights at the nurses station, so only civil comments will appear on the end of each post.

Let’s get this party started. Write to me if you have a question at motherjonesrn AT gmail Dot com.